Batteries don't break-- They die-- Like proud fires Dying in backyard pits-- Like wild azaleas Dying in porcelain vases-- Like revered grandfathers Dying in retirement homes--
First of all, how dare you shirk poetry in favor of responsibility. Secondly, I really like this. Somethig about the utilitarian aspect of our lives in general. We live until we're used up and then we die. Quite literally throwaways.
Your Laker allegiances aside, I really like this poem too. At first, I was curious about the repetition of "dying" and thought you could use similar words, but upon another reading I like its repetition because it builds momentum. I also like how the examples you use die in unnatural states.
The only place I tripped up was with the word "revered." I don't know why, just stood out to me.
The last word that I worked on for this poem was the descriptor for "grandfathers." I struggled with it and I agree with you, Brent: I stumble on "revered" myself. If I revisit this poem and a sharper word presents itself, I'll definitely revise it accordingly.
I like the utilitarian, disposable presentation of the subject matter in this poem too, Chris: I just don't like its execution.
I kind of like "revered" or at least the irony of the situation. Storing a revered grandparent in an old folks home is similar to storing something that we rely on(batteries) in the "junk" drawer.
Conceptually, I like it as well, Chris. But I think I can retain the concept with a different word that is also rhythmically consistent with the rest of the poem.
6 comments:
Another cheap throwaway, really. I need to grade papers all day (well, at least until the Lakers tip-off).
First of all, how dare you shirk poetry in favor of responsibility. Secondly, I really like this. Somethig about the utilitarian aspect of our lives in general. We live until we're used up and then we die. Quite literally throwaways.
Your Laker allegiances aside, I really like this poem too. At first, I was curious about the repetition of "dying" and thought you could use similar words, but upon another reading I like its repetition because it builds momentum. I also like how the examples you use die in unnatural states.
The only place I tripped up was with the word "revered." I don't know why, just stood out to me.
The last word that I worked on for this poem was the descriptor for "grandfathers." I struggled with it and I agree with you, Brent: I stumble on "revered" myself. If I revisit this poem and a sharper word presents itself, I'll definitely revise it accordingly.
I like the utilitarian, disposable presentation of the subject matter in this poem too, Chris: I just don't like its execution.
I kind of like "revered" or at least the irony of the situation. Storing a revered grandparent in an old folks home is similar to storing something that we rely on(batteries) in the "junk" drawer.
Conceptually, I like it as well, Chris. But I think I can retain the concept with a different word that is also rhythmically consistent with the rest of the poem.
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