Buried beneath
Today’s toys—
Unused /
Discarded /
Forgotten—
Rests
The handheld butt of a barrel-less gun
That triggers the speedy circular spin
Of the light-tipped tentacles atop.
Then,
The three halos gleamed
(one within the other)
Catching / Attracting / Widening
The impressionable eyes.
This past theme park souvenir
Wrought at the threat
Of manufactured tears.
On rides /
At home /
In bed,
This twirling toy
Meant the world
(small as it may be)
To one child,
For one night,
And won love.
Yet dreams passed,
Mornings came,
And these lights quit
Once the batteries drained.
Exiled,
This neglected knickknack
Took its place:
Buried…
Beneath today’s toys.
3 comments:
So I know the weekends are not for posting, but I decided to post this poem that I wrote some time ago. Just wanted to know what you poetic heavyweights think...
I still get strong hints of Dickinson's influence on your poetic voice, Brent. The slashes can almost read like her variances, and you still wield puns ("won love") aptly. I love the allusion to the divine and holy when describing the gun: it adds to that idea of how it's so treasured.
Juxtaposing "world" and "small" caught my eye, although I'm curious why you chose to italicize "small." The line, "Once the batteries drained" also disrupted the rhythm of my reading for reasons I cannot explain. Still, I love it, buddy, and I'm disgusted that you can move back and forth between poetry and prose so deftly.
I like the "Catching/Attracting/Widening" line. I actually found myself rereading, and reenacting that line. I particularly like that everything the slashes seperate are on the same line. They serve as pauses, without breaking the items up. I like it, but I don't know why I like it...no seriously it's good stuff.
Definitely Prose-ish and perhaps wordy, but ultimately it works really well. I like the repetetion in the first 2 and last 2 lines, but I'm a sucker for that sort of thing.
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