Monday, August 29, 2011
Self-Contained Chaos Theory
if you only knew
these traditions i go though
day to day analysis
of self contained chaos theory
breaking down my id
into even less than animal instinct
controlling every aspect
of the mundane over-reaching
self consciousness of broken dreams
turning into nightmares
on the brink of a perfect wreak
of weekly misery
where you left me
to see death's disguise
hanging over me
like a pale cloud
hovering over the memories
of haunted days long since
left behind
in the corners of my mind
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5 comments:
First of all, welcome to throwaway, Chris! It's always nice to hear new voices, especially one as unique as your own.
I appreciate how the style of this poems mirrors its content. The chaos is evident in the flow of your lines, and the lack of punctuation accentuates this wonderfully. I wonder if maybe the period at the end can be omitted to further embrace the chaos.
I also love the notion of being broken down into less than animal instinct: such a meticulous process of self reflection is something I think many writers and artists are guilty of.
period gone!
also, thank you. i love that chris andrews gave me this chance to share my poetry with (all of) you.
the support and criticism can only help in the long run. can't wait to share and read the poetry contained here; hopefully it cuts down on the procrastination that runs through my writing as of late.
oh, and overall, my poetry tends to lack punctuation as i believe a lot of readers will tend to read how they will regardless of where i think pauses should be.
also, i tend to write many of my poems in a sort of blur, i think pausing myself to think of where a comma or whatnot goes breaks my thought process.
that said, at times i will go back and edit based on what others say, or what i feel is needed. :)
Chris,
I think that adding punctuation would do this a disservice. I like how the maddening pace builds and lends to the ideas of chaos. The lines about a perfect wreak of weekly misery are so depressing but well articulated.
Welcome to the blog, Chris! As I try to warn everyone, if you continually post, this blog will eat your soul. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.
I agree with Mr. Andrews (I guess I'll do this now with two Chris' and all) in that the absence of punctuation really lends to the chaos. If you want to amp up the chaos even more so, you could play with the enjambment. Also, at first look, I didn't like the little rhyme at the end, but upon further discernment it fits in that the speaker seems to have figured something out from the chaos. Good start!
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