With bedtime nearing, Our eyelids grow weary From a full day’s workout— The endless pull-ups, The nonstop lash lifts— Yet the ounces pack on, As muscle weighs more than fat No matter how many tears we sweat.
You play with interesting ideas of weight in this poem: the weight of weights; the weight of eyelids; the weight of weariness. There seems to be a defeated tone in this poem, I think because of the word "yet." I think removing the conjunction would result in a more ambiguous tone that may also work for your poem.
Did you really write this at 1 AM? I like metaphor you're using here and the play play of content. The eye muscle does go ignored and it works so hard for us! The last line is beautiful.
2 comments:
You play with interesting ideas of weight in this poem: the weight of weights; the weight of eyelids; the weight of weariness. There seems to be a defeated tone in this poem, I think because of the word "yet." I think removing the conjunction would result in a more ambiguous tone that may also work for your poem.
Did you really write this at 1 AM?
I like metaphor you're using here and the play play of content. The eye muscle does go ignored and it works so hard for us! The last line is beautiful.
Post a Comment