There.
A sanctuary.
The wind transforms
me to a dandelion head.
Floating up
between the branches.
Wrapping myself
around the spade leaves.
Tumbling past
a hummingbird eye.
Dappled in sunlight.
Soaring into
The airport flightplan.
Then coasting back down.
Beneath the sun.
Beneath the sky.
Beneath the clouds.
Beneath God's canopy
Under the Apricot tree.
Monday, May 24, 2010
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2 comments:
I planted a tree in my yard this weekend. It reminded me of sitting under my Grandpa's apricot tree. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. It definitely needs more polish.
I like how you place the reader with the first line. "There."
"There" can mean anywhere that resinates within the mind of your audience, yet it still specific. It is a great introduction to the evolving memory in the poem. The movement and images are also powerful. I think this power could be stronger if you changed the -ing ending of your present participles. Such as " tumble past a hummingbird eye/Dapple in sunlight/soar into the airport flightplan/then coast back down"
It puts the reader right in there with the content.
I enjoyed the simplicity and depth of this moment..
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