Lilly, the rancher's son called her,
ran from the truck in terror.
In the warehouse, she was first in line.
Ushered down the cool narrow concrete path,
lined with chain link, into the narrow steel chamber.
A small metal gate lowered behind her
and shifted forward, forcing her head to rest,
metal death pillow, hydraulic vice grips
bracing her skull. The fear in her eyes...
if ever she did fear?
The hollow-eyed man walks forward,
the creeping of his black rubber boots,
the swish of his white plastic coveralls,
gloves, hairnet, medical mask, goggles,
putrescent blood his perfume.
He ascends the shiny steel footstool to his post.
He looks her in the eyes...
He smiles so subtly.
The captive bolt pistol penetrates the skull,
bursting the cerebrum and cerebellum
resulting in "less" pain
but keeping the pulse strong for exsanguination.
Under the hypnotic hue of white fluorescents,
Lilly's legs are pierced with bright metal hooks,
she is hoisted in the cool white sterile stall.
A sharp steel blade pierces her jugular vein,
carotid artery,
trachea.
Lilly twists and writhes,
voiceless gasps of air...
Her heart,
a machine,
her
worst
en-
em-
y.
5 comments:
Not too sure about this one...Wrote it in about 30 min. this morning. Revised several times.
Considering changing the title to "Steak, Anyone?" or perhaps "Filet Mignon." Though, I don't necessarily want the reader to know it's a cow immediately.
Sorry if I have offended anyone's epicurean tastes...
Man I love eating meat, but this depressed the hell out of me. I like that she has a name, and I like it for the title. I think that there are certain images that work well here. I do feel that you should be more subtle. I like not knowing that this is a cow right away. For some reason the hydraulic vice grips seem telling. I may be crazy I don't know. I think with a little reworking you could make the title character ambiguous all the way until the end, and that'd be a kick in the pants.
It doesn't help that I have a dog named Lily either. And she kind of looks like a cow.
This is probably my favorite of the poems you posted so far. The poem is very descriptive and visceral and helps me understand why my girlfriend is a vegetarian. I didn't even know it was a cow until you mentioned it in the comments, although that's what i pictured. I like the mystery because someone could mistaken it for a pig as well. The other titles you suggest seem too humorous and would set a completely different tone with the poem. "Lilly" works fine.
I think at times the poem can be a little wordy (i.e. "putrescent", "shiny") but on the whole creates an effect and carries it well. Solid stuff.
I agree with Brent that the title should stay. It fittingly emphasizes the individual life and the name. My God! This poem seriously made me cringe and shiver: a desired effect I'm sure. That last stanza is beautifully haunting. Masterful!
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